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Apr. 16th, 2009


Farewell Fiasco!

From tomorrow onwards, I will no longer update this blog site. Though I won't be deleting my LJ account (yet), I will lock some of my articles and web blogs that spill private information about me. My readers, if there are any, can temporarily subscribe to my twitter page just until i find my next web destination.

This spot on the cyber space had been a conducive residence for over a year. I used to wonder why people kept changing journals and until you experience it yourself, could you understand it. My fiasco account died a natural death. I chose not to resuscitate it because I am off to a direction opposite to this account.

I had a nice time with LJ and I am hopeful to nestle my next blog/journal here in LJ too... I heart it so dearly!

--- ALEGNA 13

PS: If you want to contact me, you can get all contact information at my profile. Feel free to send me emails or feedbacks . All sent messages / comments in this account will also be redirected to my email so I can still read and reply to you. =)


Mar. 23rd, 2009


Confession of Sins

I mark this day that I am spiritually clean and pure. Hope sins won't start piling up as tall as Pisa... again..
I finally summoned my inner strength and did it after gazillion years


Mar. 21st, 2009


Friends in Harmony

I remember clearly, I was sixteen
Gave Loneliness a sweet peck on the cheek
She'd been my companion ever since
Never left my side for longer than a day

Loneliness was a friend
She was not at all selfish
Lets Happiness visit for a while
but she was counting our time

I always knew when she was around
I want to dump her like all else
but she would not go away
Did she really love me like she said?

When I turned nineteen, I met Fun
Loneliness backed away a bit
Jealous, maybe...
She forced herself to be happy for me

As I befriended Fun, I found Happiness again
Little did I know, Loneliness had been sick since
For four years, she'd been my constant companion
I Wondered what was it like to have lost her forever?

I paid Loneliness a visit one night
There I met Hope
Together we sat beside her death bed
Shed one more tear while I cherished our times together

I remembered so well
the way she tuck me in at night
how she wiped my tears away
and her warm embrace in all those nights

I felt so guilty all these years I wished her dead
I confessed to her that night with Hope as our witness
She forgave me, she passed
I was now left alone with Hope

Hope comforted me and told me to leave the closed room
She said Fun and Happiness are all waiting outside
So I gather myself and left my dead friend
Without looking back, I went for the door

Truthfully, I saw Fun and Happiness
They're with someone I barely know
I heard them call him

Now at twenty-one
I found Balance
He said later  on,  we shall meet Love
I, Balance, and Love shall make the best life ever!

***(Loneliness' ghost visits me once in a while
I was so scared then but Balance always rescues me
He said twas normal to see Loneliness
but he also warned me not to hold onto her)

Mar. 20th, 2009



I tried twitter today and I must say I'm enjoying it. I've been hearing a lot about it on tv so I said, why not give it a try.
I changed the passwords in all my accounts cause I gave a few people my old password. I shall tell just one person my new password so in case something happens to me, she can delete all my accounts.

Do you ever wonder how many dead people still have their social networking accounts? Can they still access it in the after-life? ha-ha-ha
So I thought, it is better that once in every decade, site mods check the unused accounts and forever lock them in the internet black hole.
I don't want to clog this world wide web with my many net engagements after i join the angel squad.. weee...

Try twitter! It's fun and please follow me too...
I'm on http://twitter.com/assir26

Mar. 10th, 2009



As they demand equality, they also took greater resposibilities.
Don't you think it's just fair that you do the same and start taking your share of equal responsibilities?

If you think, we aimed to be your equal just so we can vote and get educated, think again!
We aimed for equality so we can get you to do your OWN damn LAUNDRY!

We are equal, aren't we?

Mar. 6th, 2009


adult II

Or maybe not...
Not yet...
But I can always pretend...

Mar. 3rd, 2009



My carefree days are numbered,
I am yet to play the part of...

... a responsible adult...

Feb. 25th, 2009


cry baby cry

When I feel like crying but i want to hold it back, I go shower. Shower has some calming, soothing effect. It also makes you look less ugly  when you burst out crying. I will take a hot and cold shower later after this. I like to sit on a bathroom floor with water flowing as my background music (some lunatic eh?)

I want to cry but I shouldn't because crying won't solve anything. It just adds up to my current dilemma

Feb. 16th, 2009



Have you ever seen a "spark"? Not that thing we see when we plug our appliances to active sockets. Not that kind of thing firecrackers produce. It's what they say we see (or feel) when we start to get attracted to a person, place, or thing.

Never in my life have I seen such spark. It just occurred to me this morning when an old friend asked me if I ever saw a spark when I met him (yeah, I know.. it was absurd!). I straight ahead said, "No". And then I felt guilty for being too straight forward but I really haven't, I haven't seen one in my entire existence. And so I guess, I haven't really been strongly attracted in my life for I haven't yet found something to use that "spark-metaphor" to compare an experience or person or thing with. So now, I'm looking forward to finally seeing a SPARK

Feb. 14th, 2009


noble job

I was a side walk, flower vendor!

I wasn't in my list of things to do before I slip into the void. Certainly not one of my dreams, but I did it. I tended in a sidewalk selling beautiful roses under the blazing sun that later kissed me his mercy and sent some cirrus clouds to comfort my tired body. It wasn't a dream job but I was proud of it. The experience was so humbling and noble.

How did it all started? - you might be wondering now.

My mother, who has always positive light on things was encouraged by a wonderful florist to invest in a valentine-special flower retail shop that will be installed in busy avenues here in Meycauayan. The florist, who I will talk about sometime later in my blog, promised my mom three-fold earnings. He said it based on his valentine sales experience in San Fernando, Pampanga ( a city many miles away from Meyc., Bulacan, around 1 1/2 hours travel time by land). My mom was ethused with the idea although my father and I (being a business major myself) discouraged her. She pushed through it and funded for the whole business while Mr. Florist invested 99% hardwork into the business. He's all talented and creative, it was unusual to see a passer-by not to throw second glances over our alluring flowers. So they pushed through it and the rest of my family could only support her and back her up (see support).

Did I JUST support her? No! I did not just support her but I helped all out! Golly, you might ask what when thorugh me. First, I want to see to it that my mom won't be fooled by her new business partner. Second, I want to observe on how the business works. Third, I have got nothing to do, might as well help. Lastly, I want to accompany the florist because he seemed nice and I kind of pity him because he wants to earn so badly and he's good at what he does, he deserves help and company.

So, my mom invested the money, the florist all the creative aspects, and very little of my help.

Now, let's define little and the circumstances I meant little.

The Buboy (the florist) and I went to Dimasalang in Manila to get cheaper supply of flowers on Thursday afternoon. We carried all supplies from Manila to Bulacan riding bus and jeepney. We arrived home at around 7pm, having left for Manila at 3pm. We cleaned and sorted out our purchases that night in prepation for tomorrow's selling day! Friday the thirteenth was the first day we began selling so by Valentine's the following day, word shall spread tha there are gorgeous flowers sold in Meycauayan tollgate. We hardly sold much on the first day, it just a humble P340. Already, I was feeling my initial analysis of how this will all amount to - losses!!!

I threw every passer-by my widest, sincerest smile as I was inquiring Buboy about his life and experience in flower arranging. As much as possible I want to have positive oulook in order to attract positive vibes for our business. Others threw me smiles too. Some others pretended not to hear and / or see me. Many others blatantly give me sullen faces. Some happy people, particularly males, would call me out trying to hit on me (like I'll smile at them or even look a them on my normal days). I'd still smile over their inquiries. Psitive vibes!

Come the dreaded Valentine's day. We earned but it could barely cover our expenses and capital. It was okay though. My mom was not upset nor the rest of the family. I hadn't heard any "I told you so" songs from anyone. That's still okay - way okay. The only person who's so crushed by our mishap and miscalculations was Buboy. He felt embarrassed from having my mom venture in such business. We kept reassuring him that it was all okay with us but I guess nothing can ease all his embarrassment and gloominess. My mom just handed him few hundred bucks, all unused raw materials, and lasagna.

I realized today how hard it is to earn money. How noble side walk vendors jobs are. How to fold wires. How to try not to look so "kawawa" while tending. How to smile untiringly. How to attract buyers. How to take the smallest thing so positively. How to appreciate the kind of life I have right now - that I don't have to do the things I did for the past days everyday to live.

The little help I mentioned wasn't in any way small to me, maybe for others it is. Considerable amount of effort, even in smiling, was what it took me to live past through today. The experience humbled me. I am proud. It was noble.


Feb. 9th, 2009


as they say, it happens for a reason...

I have always believed that things happen for a reason and that someday, if not today, we'll understand why things turn out the way they are. I have long believed in this and it seems truer and truer as time pass by, until reasons were not materializing. It seems like it took a long stop at some lone cafe, got lost in the woods, and finally gave up sending itself to me.

So, I told myself one day, "Some things happen for a reason, while some other things just don't". There's been a huge argument in both hemispheres of my brain regarding this f*cking reason. If some things just happen for no reason at all, then, their occurrence is blank and pointless and a waste of time and energy. If things just happen, then, there must be no supreme being guiding us all; there must be no God, if so. I chose to believe there is God - God is reason.

If there is no God, then there is no reason to be looking for reasons and meaning. And in order to be human, - a sane human for that matter - we have to have a reason. If we got no reason, we are just robots if not animals. I have come to understand that we should never insist on looking for reason if it doesn't want to show itself, instead, we should make and weigh our own rational reasons. Reason may not always be a familiar face in a crowd, it may not always something we see every morning going to our schools or workplaces or bus stops. Sometimes, it just lies within us, we only have to look over ourselves in front of the mirror.

We are reason. We make reasons. In such a way that God made us in his own image.

Jan. 29th, 2009


bk fr SG

Just got home yesterday from my trip to Singapore...

Friends ask me how Singapore was, I my mind, I would answer, "Well, Singapore is still Singapore". Translation: It's clean as most say. It is beautiful by ten folds compared to the Philippines. For six days, I lived with Filipinos who are working there. They're very hospitable and accommodating. They are Ate Analyn, Ate Yvelle, and Ate Mia with Ate Irene and Ate Giselle. The showed me around the city and accompanied with me wherever I want to go.

First Day:
Lucky Plaza, Esplanade, Glutton's bay, Merlion

Second Day:
Sim Lim, Bugis, China town, Clark Quay

Third Day:
Botanical Garden, Sentosa Island

Fourth Day:
Batam Indonesia

Fifth day:
Bugis, Mustafa, Suntec City

Sixth Day:
Airport to Home...

Jan. 24th, 2009



Finally I'm in Singapore!
Loving the food, the locals, and everything!
I'll be back soon though, but I'm sure I'll come back here soon!
Argh.. I have fancy tales to tell when I get back, so until then..

Jan. 18th, 2009



I'm leaving for Singapore this week. I'm super excited coz it's gonna be the first time I'll ever leave the country. I will do bungee jumping there, eat kachiang and hainanese chicken, buy a new camera, ride the Singapore flyer, and write a blog while I'm there. There so much that I want to do, but only little money... uhh... I am such a loser who still lives with my folks. Yes, my trip abroad's courtesy of my parents but it's their graduation gift for me - only long overdue. I will have a really nice time because when I get back I will have to manage my life, or the better term must be, "get a life". I will get a job and get my own place. I promise!

Jan. 11th, 2009


Love or Not?

I haven't been in love in so long that I already forgot what love is. This weekend, I babysat for my 10-year-old niece and also tutored her for her 3rd quarter exams this coming week. As we were studying on her Language subject, specifically the chapter on Verbs, she asked me, "Is love a verb?" She had to repeat the question before I could answer, "Yes, yes, it is a verb". For a moment, I thought to myself if love is an action word as verb was defined. Yes, love is supposed to be an action, but for a second, I only thought of it as a noun; Often just the subject. It is the talk of every person who claimed they're in love.

How do you know when you love a person?

You know you love them when you care for them.. could be right? Love could be deeper or shallower than that. I don't know what love is. I don't see it as a verb as for now. I merely see it as an abstract noun. As for now.

Jan. 6th, 2009



My dad came home today with the copy of Daniel Craig's movie entitled Defiance. I wasn't enthused much by this but somehow, at least, I have something to see for tonight or whenever. Later in the evening I decided to watch it and if it bore me halfway, I'll just discontinue with it and get back to Memoir's of Geisha in HBO or perhaps to the PS I Love You novel of Cecelia Ahern. I got hooked in a couple of minutes. Well, I have to give a little credit to the hunk Daniel Craig.

It was a great movie. One of the best, I must say. The movie was set during the time of the Nazi occupation in parts of Europe. The Jews were persecuted, held captive, and made to slaves. The Nazis killed a whole community of people heartlessly and turned pleading Jews into domestic slaves and spies. Some managed to escape to the forest. One of them are these three Jewish brothers -Asael, Zus, and Tuvia  Bielski- who have some knowledge in handling guns. They were later joined by other Jew escapees until the three became ten, twenty, fifty, until they form a number suffice to be called a community. They tried to fit back to the lives they lost during the war. People were assigned to jobs to sustain their living - Women were taught to use guns and hunt for food. My favorite part in the movie was the conversation between Bella and Zus Bielski. It goes something like this (not exactly said in these words but the thought is exactly this):

B: Why do women aren't allowed to hold guns
Z: There aren't enough guns for men, Why do women need them anyway?
B: For protection...
Z: You have men for protection
B: I want protection

This doesn't seem right for a feminist but then this presents one reality in life. One can argue that this reality is biased but then this is not the point of this blog.

The movie showed equality in both men and women in life, war, love, and death. This presents one face of unfairness in life, race, religion, and beliefs. The movie claims that this happened in real life, that the Bielski's truely existed but never claimed honor and recognition for their leadership in the survival of Jewish community harboring in the forest.

The movie featured the hardships of the various people who lost half or all their family, of people who were about to loose one of his family, and of people who were facing each day unsure of what fate will bring them - whether they'll live or get to eat or get ill. It somehow made me say to myself for one how lucky my ancestors were for not having to deal with a freezing cold weather while fighting our colonizing enemies.

After seeing the film, I am now more interested in knowing and understanding where Adolf Hitler is coming from. Wonder what drove him to such bold actions (what would be the more appropriate adjective to describe it? I'm at loss for words)? Most of you may already know but that part of World History is sorta alien to me. I'll definitely find out though. Valkyrie up next!

Jan. 1st, 2009


(no subject)

Greetings of Peace!!!

Happy NEW YEAR Everyone!!!!!
May the year 2009 bring us everlasting joy, peace, love, wealth and good health!!!



Dec. 30th, 2008


munching pistachio

Christmas passed, New Year's on its way.
There's always food in the table
Congested refrigerators
Stomach filled with sweets and wine and turkey

I abused myself by not getting my ass off my bed for a couple of days
I fed my mind with Meg Cabot's Queen of Babble
as I munch my boredom with pistachio nuts

I regret slacking as now I suffer with major breakouts!
What a great face to welcome the new year
Stomp my ugly face

Dec. 27th, 2008


birthday visit

I had the most amazing days today! My best friends many miles away from where I live came over to my surprise! It actually made my day. We had lunch prepared by my mom and late this afternoon we had iced tea and various slices of cake (sansrival, chocolate, and wallnut). Only we took too few pictures but my memory of them will forever reside in my heart. It's so heart-warming that they were here (though they're a day late for my birthday) to welcome my 21st year on earth. I've been with them through my lowest roller coaster ride and surely I'd want them to be with me in zenith.

Izza, she's so warm and sincere. Shella, she's such a good person.
I don't always make them feel valued but I do love them!

I feel better than best today, thanks for visiting guys! See you again soon!

Dec. 26th, 2008



So it's my birthday and I am madafuckinly frowning, sulking in bed the whole time (except now I am seated). I slept at around 2am last night and managed to carve happy thoughts with the help of some friends. Chito, thank you for cheering me up and waiting with me till 12 midnight. Archie, people  here knows how much I hated you coz you broke my heart but thank you for remembering and for being honest last night. I was pretty sure you still love me though you didn't say it literally! ha-ha.. Chinno! I hate you for waking me up so early but I love it that you called to greet me happy birthday! Mind you, though I was sad, the first thing I did as I get up was giggle out of electrocution from my new ballpen, courtesy of ate Tess. Then again, I cried at breakfast. Don;t ask why! Erik told me not to be such an emo on my special day. I'll try, for the remaining hours, not to be. To all the people who greeted me, don't think I don;t appreciate it to not include you in my list of thank yous. I do remember every single one of you! Thank you very much for sharing with me my 20th year as a live human being. Another decade to laugh, cry, live, waste, endure, and cultivate relationships and friendships.

My wishes for my burtday:
1. Get a job, finally!
so I can buy all that I need. I want a job in a call center but my folks won't allow me. I'm such a shallow person, but really, that's what I really want for the longest time. Guess that's the reason I kept turning down my other offers.

2. Get a boyfie
I have a specific person in mind but he doesn't like me back and he's leaving for Australia next month. So I am wishing for an equally hot, smart, and tough man!
3. Have plenty more friends
I have enough but I want more! the more the manier! I mean, the merrier! lol...  I wnat to learn more through my involvement with other people

4. Come up with nice topics to write here
So you'll never get tired of me. Coz this is my only outlet for anger, depression, and all other unwanted behavior/emotion. It's nice that people here like rewashed reads the crap I write and at least Becca doesn't really see this as a piece of shit...  Thank you hot momma! You are wonderful!

5. I wish for clarity of mind
So I will be able to make sound decision that I wont have to regret later in life.

Thanks and praise to my Creator for making me the way I am. I am sad but at least I am happy. I know you know what I mean.

Dec. 25th, 2008


Happy days are here again but why I am a piss?

It's Christmas but I'm so sad. I don't wanna write here the exact reasons why I feel like this for the reason that I don't want to read it someday. Later, I know, I'll forget all my reasons but until then I will be just this, plain dim.

2008 sucks big-time! I can't help counting reasons that made it obnoxious for me. Not my year, clearly. I'm looking forward to the New Year, keeping my fingers crossed that it will have bountiful reaps for me. I promise myself to get a job and stop being a whiner. I will develop a new crush coz the apple of my eyes for nearly a decade will soon be gone - off to the land down under. I will clean my bedroom next year; I promise to do my best and muster all the world's strength to toss it upside down.

It's my birthday in a lil while but I look like I'm damned. Actually, I am. Find me unemployed, broke, and looking like a potential spinster. Now who wouldn't feel cursed? I am getting old but acting weak. Miserable. That's what I am feeling for tonight.

(no subject)

Happy Holidays!!!

Merry Christmas LJ friends, readers, true-to-life friends, soon-to-be-friends, and all inhabitants of earth who believes and who don't believe in Christmas! May we all have a peaceful holidays filled with the spirit of love, peace, and happiness. Let us be a miracle to other people by spreading the good news of God.

I wanna thank all the people who made this season worth remembering (for the gifts, the least bwahahha),
Shella, my best friend, i have new addition to my small bed filled with a bed-full of pillows! thanks
Izza, my other best buddy, thanks for the Gap tee...
My choirmates:
Ate Tess, the Coach bag is so adorable
Ate Aisa, the mug with the coaster and spon were so cute, just so like you!
Ate Kinday, I havent figured out yet what your gift was, but thank you very much! =)
To my sisters:
Ate Michelle for the purse
Ate Doods, for the hand and nail lotion, that's just what I need!


Dec. 16th, 2008


First of the nine morning masses before Christmas

First of the nine morning masses before Christmas. Today six years ago was my first taste of a puppy love relationship. Yes, I had my first real boyfriend at the very young age of .... (do the math please). We didn't last too long since we were kids, so there's really nothing to celebrate today. However, a visit from an ex-boy-friend surprised me today. No, he's not the same guy from six years ago. Well, he was not really a boyfriend, boyfriend; just a male friend who turned out to be just a boy now since I don't really count him as a FRIEND. We just chatted for a little while then he left for his uncle's house who lived just near my parents' house.

I started the day hearing the four-thirty in the morning mass who is intended for Misa de Gallo. It was only here in the Philippines that we celebrate Misa de Gallo - nine morning masses before Christmas intended to welcome the birth of Jesus Christ. I am more enthusiatic and sanguine to go to mass since I am also part of our Church's choir. I am so thrilled to go sing tomorrow morning. We are having a practice later at three o'clock in the morning so I have to hit my sheets earlier than I use to.

Advanced Merry Christmas everyone!!!


Dec. 14th, 2008



My hangover from the twilight saga was nowhere near over as I found myself reading sci-fi novels which is a total contrast of what I like, or what I used to like, rather. I surprisingly enjoyed the comfort of light novels of Meg Cabot and air-gasping, thrilling writing style of Anne Rice. I've never before liked vampires, ghosts, fairies, angels, and all those imaginary creatures inhabiting in the wild minds of today's and yesterday's writers.

I prefer Paolo Coelho before; maybe because i needed inspiration and reasons to feel uplifted back then. But now that I am bored to hell, a little creativity surely helps to keep my sanity intact..

Dec. 10th, 2008


more ranting... more drama...

I was filled with angst monday afternoon that went all the way until the next day. If you think I waited till today to write it so it will be a more rational read, think again. So I and my two other colleague was invited to sing at a wedding reception of my choirmate's boss' son's wedding on December 8. I was extremely hesitant to accept the offer for the following reasons: 1. I am not confident about my voice; 2. the manner by which I was asked was repulsive and the opposite of courteous; 3. I don't want to be stressed out, and 4. the fee was unimaginably LOW!!! Still, out of camaraderie, I accepted. I pulled all my tapes and cds of wedding songs. My repertoire included Bakit labis kitang mahal and Your love. Let me tell you I took it seriously and I was very meticulous in every note and every line of the song. Have I mentioned that I didn't want to stress myself? Well, I still went through that devilish phase because of my very demanding choirmate/wedding organizer/emcee. He kept requesting songs that I don't have. It's so difficult to find materials especially if it's not really popular around the world. He kept texting me and it drove me completely insane, not to mention his sarcastic remarks. He instructed us to be at the wedding reception at 2pm so we could fix our setting, the sound system, and our songs only to find out that the reception will be at 7PM.

Come wedding day, my other co-singers arrived at around 3PM. tick-tuc-tick-tuc. An hour has passed, no choirmate came to appear. Another two hours passed, still no sign of his effing arrival only to find out he's been admitted to the hospital because of a disease we have yet to find out. I called him, that's how we knew about it. Of course I was furious, why didn't he tell us? Clearly, it's an ambush! Did he want us to host the wedding too? Golly Dolly! His mom of 60 plus will take over his role as emcee and the newly weds were not even aware of it. So we were not the last people to know, it's the newly weds. OMG!!! We intended to go home because of the unpleasant news. Furious and mad as hell, we we're still able to think straight and decide to stay for the newly weds' sake. If we're gone too, they will be devastated!

The pay will not even suffice my spendings for that day. I told my choirmate that our effort and time and dedication was not worth this crap were doing for him. He just replied "WHY?". For the love of Monsie Mownie, did he really mean his question? I can only reply: "WHY??? ARE YOU NUMB??". To that, he didn't reply but he kept calling on all our phones. Perhaps, he thought we won't come anymore. We refused to answer his calls still he kept calling until he made sure we came through his mother's confirmation. He just wished us good luck through a text message. What really upsets me more than he keeping us all in the dark was that he didn't even have the balls to apologize! He has not apologize to this day. Wonder, if he ever will...

The wedding was a complete disaster with his mom as the emcee. The mother of the groom (my choirmate's boss) was beyond disappointed. Every thing happened without a warning. The name of the bride wasn't even said right! What the eff is that? The emcee has to be replaced right away coz she's turning the wedding night into a carnival because of her exaggerated hosting. The poor old lady was damned and humiliated. She was embarrassed bt her and his son's making! The apocalypse of his mom did not end there, she said her rants to the two poor gals who sat beside her at dinner only to find out she was speaking to the relatives of the groom. She didn't care anyway, she still continue while eating. Yes, she could still fill her stomach despite what she's been through while I, and my other friends struggled to swallow a tiny amount of water.

I was not able to sing, my friends who sang before my turn only had two songs out of their five prepared pieces because the guests were already thinning that they had to begin with the wedding traditions and ceremonies before all is gone. It's getting late and we had to go, we bade our goodbye to the groom's mother to show our professionalism. She insisted on paying us but we didn't want to take her money; it's her only consolation. The wedding was a mess and even if we deserve the money because we were not at fault and we gave our time and best effort, we still think it is not the best thing to do.

So to this day forward, I mark the end of my camaraderie with my ever-reliable choimate. My he be rotten forever in a disgusting pool of tomatoes! Karma made its way very quickly as he was really in the hospital suffering from an unknown disease, the doctors are suspecting it's typhoid fever or dengue. Still, that will not justify what he's done to us by keeping us in the dark all along, and wrecking the most important day to the newly weds.

MORAL: Honesty is the BEST policy.
             What goes around, comes around.


Dec. 3rd, 2008



It's like starting over brand new. For the 9 days, my life had been about the twilight books. I finished all the four and I felt very very bad about it. Not because it's not great but coz I want to continue reading and dreaming about it. But how can I when book five hasn't been finished yet and the works were put on hold for an indefinite period. I already forgot to live normally upon reading them. Since I started obsessing with the books, I rarely get up to feed myself, instead, I stocked food and water by my bed so I can feed my self easily; its more convenient that way. I ran errands too, of course, but I try to finish them right away so I can get back to my reading. The whole nine days was not entirely and literally spent on reading alone. Well, I also did some recreational stuff but my mind was so occupied with vampires and werewolves that it felt like I didn't stop reading at all.

So now that I'm done, what now? I guess I'll continue writing in this journal for a while. Get back to watching tv shows and reading friends' entries here in LJ. Try and get ahold of reality that my life sucked more than the half-human, half vampire creature...


I went to see twilight last friday - alone. Well, i was supposed to go with my high school girl friends but they kept postponing that i got totally irritated and annoyed. So i went alone. I guess I'm one of the very few people who went there by myself coz most of the moviegoers were couples or groupies. Despite that, I still managed to enjoy myself, being a loner myself.

My review of the movie is like eons late already but I'd still write this to remind myself of the very few parts I enjoyed about Catherine Hardwicke's direction. The acting of the actors were undeniably disastrous! Notice how they fail to give justice to their roles. It's a good thing that the movie followed the plot with some nice additions to add humor to the film. I always thought Charlie as a fat, white guy but the Charlie in the movie seemed quite all right. Bella, Oh Bella, she looked more of a vampire than human. She's got deep eyebags than Edward! Edward, not really gorgeous. My personal Edward is way way handsome! Other actors like the ones playing Eric,Tyler and Rosalie were unexpected choice but they quite quite okay. Victoria = Gorgeous; wasn't it supposed to be Rosalie = Gorgeous... argh!

Enough with the rants! The Vampire Baseball was beautiful, spectacular! The silver volvo, w-h-o-a, handsome! Atleast in the movie, the nomads didnt appear out of the blue. It was brilliant that they've decided to add some exposure to James, Laurent, and Victoria halfway in the beginning of the film. The prom took my breath away. Twas so sweet and surreal. Well, the story is truly surreal... haha... Though I didnt like it all that much than I enjoyed, raved, and loved the books, it's still twilight, and it is still worth my time, not just my dime...

PS: the soundtrack is beautiful! without a doubt!

Nov. 18th, 2008


sweet tender smooch

It's been two years since I last kissed a guy. It was passionate and sweet but love was surely not present with those tender smooches. I like kissing so much. This I realized just tonight after constantly dreaming about Jude Law. I want to experience what all his leading ladies had with him. Being kissed so tenderly, intensely, in a not so horny way. His kisses are so strong, any woman can be blown away. It's like sex already. You don't have to get fucked to feel Euphoria, it can already get you to scream to your big-O. To me, he is the sexiest man alive! The curve of his lips when he sneer, smile, and kiss is perfect. His raised eyebrow matches his smug looks. Whatever he wears is sexy to me, may he be on tux or naked. He is so damn beautiful. I have another thing to add to my list of things to do before I die and it's to get just one smooch from him, just one!

It's pretty obvious that I haven't kissed in such a long time to be obsessing about his movies. My personal favorite was Closer. Had you read my earlier entries, you should know that I completely adore him and Natalie Portman, though his kissing scenes with Julia Roberts were better and sweeter. This is quite similar with his "(the) Holiday" kissing scenes with Cameron Diaz. Most people say that they were mostly awed by his "Cold Mountain" french kissing with Nicole Kidman (when Kidman said her goodbye to Law while handing him a book and a picture of her) but I think the former was better. Nonetheless, the sex scene with Kidman in Cold Mountain was insanely HOT! I couldn't affirm any better!

Check out this video. Jude Law's gonna shut me out of this blog!


Nov. 14th, 2008


unbearable tonsils

I am suffering from Tonsilitis for 2 days now. It's causing sleepless nights and painful waking moments. I've been thinking where the hell did I catch this viral/bacterial infection. I thought maybe I got it from eating cake and chocolates and from a glass of iced-cold Coca-Cola Light. And i was tired from my pre-employment test with the Philippine Amusement and Gaming Corporation, tuesday morning and the rest of the day going ga-ga with my friends and with my dad at the Banko Sentral ng Pilipinas; maybe my immune system dropped causing bacteria and viruses to enter my system. I wasn't exactly feeling well prior to that day so, I dont really know when, where and how I got infections. hehe.. Last night, I woke up with the most painful throat! I cried and it hurt more. Still, I cried and prayed to God that he take all the pain. He listened and grant my wish, next thing I know, there was a shining sun of nine in the morning with a less excruciating tonsils. Thank goodness!!!

Tips on coping with strep throat / tosilitis:
  • drink plenty of water and fruit juices
  • refrain from eating sweets and cold beverages
  • pop a pill or antibiotics
  • take plenty of rest and sleep
  • DONT cry or shout or talk much
  • refrain from coughing
  • eat green-leafy vegies and fruits rich in vitamin C


Nov. 2nd, 2008



I am a sucker for music. I can't live a day without singing or humming. When I was in junior college, my favorite songs are from the soundtrack of "A lot like love". It includes Anna Nalick's "Breathe/2AM" and Jet's "Look what you've done". For this year, I came across another great movie entitled "Once". It starred Irish actors and singers Glenn Hansard and Marketa Irglova. The movie soundtrack won in the Oscars last year, which really proved that my taste for music is indeed excellent! LOL

I say that a song or music is beautiful when it has meaningful lyrics and wonderful melody (in that order). I prefer music with soulful, sad, and slow melody. It calms me, soothes my tired mind, and it makes me ponder about my life. This is why I get to like the soundtrack of "Once". I didn't know about it until I saw Falling Slowly's  music video in STC (soundtrack television channel???) , channel 73 in homecable. Then I learned about the other songs and the artists and the movie and the Oscars! If you are into sad sappy Irish music, you might wanna check this out


Oct. 31st, 2008



Happy Halloween!!!

I haven't written much for this month since nothing really interesting has happened lately. I earned little money enough to treat my family with some burger and pizza, and a little money to be spent when I meet my old friends. The television people began counting days before Christmas. If I am not mistaken, we are 56 days away from my birthday.. I have a new crush too! I don't know his name, I knew but then I forgot. I like him because he is so funny and cerebral! He is keeping an online blog and I read it every so often. In a month, these are just the most interesting things that happened to me. My life is so boring but I am keeping my fingers crossed that something better's coming my way.

Oct. 26th, 2008


in God's time

I received my very first job offer last friday and i will decline tomorrow. i submitted my last article today as a writer. I am officially unemployed tomorrow, with no stable or part-time job. I am keeping a positive outlook in life despite this karma or curse, watchamacalit! Something great's coming my way sooner or later. In God's time...

Oct. 16th, 2008


so long

i so miss just writing about what i like. i am now working as a freelance writer. i write research papers and other academic papers. its killing my brains. it just might splash out any day. so now i seldom blog. i seldom read friends' entries although i am forever in front of the computer. I

aside from the writing, i have also started watching heroes. its a  good show and relieves my mind off the pressures of writing. the bad thing only is that i dream of them. i dont think it's a good dream though i cant remember it. i always feel so tired waking up. i also dream about writing.i sometimes wake up telling myself to remember a particular author that has to be included in the reference list.

wish i can move on to my next job, different one from my current. ;)

Oct. 9th, 2008


part-time job

I've got a job! Although I haven't received any job order yet., and my employer hasn't replied yet. I am gonna be a writer for a japan-based company. I will be paid per page! It's a good part-time job since I've got nothing to do most days... ;) wish me luck!

Oct. 7th, 2008


break up with me buddy

love really sucks. people who make love so overrated sucks big time! i hate people who post about how they love and hate cuddling and all that cheesy stuff. why make a big deal out of it. also with people who kiss in public, who would tickle each other in public and everything chessy in public. c'mon! get a room! nobody wants to see you strut your stuff! eww... makes me sick down to my stomach! why post your break ups which you yourself caused to yourself! i mean, you would break up with your partner and you would go ga-ga on bulletins and blogs. WTF! you want some effing attention by the public! you want some effing comments on your page! eff you!

now i really sound like im only speaking to one specific person, maybe yes, or not.
the heck!

Sep. 30th, 2008


it isnt too late to apologize...

i hope he reads this, someday, i know, he will...

to my greatest heartbreak (as of this day),

has it ever occur to you that you havent even said sorry for the gargantuan pain you have caused me?
and i stopped thinking about that happening until i saw the question: "Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?"
yes, from the moment you stomped my heart to almost death, to the moment it all got washed away in my mind, up until now that i remembered, i havent heard that five-letter-word that spells SORRY. i stopped wishing anyway but i hope i'll hear that one day. i have been waiting since that day. and in case you have forgotten that you forgot to say SORRY, now you know. from today, how much long do i have to wait before you read this. and if you read this would you know that you're my greatest love as of the end of september 2008? lol..
given thatyou know, will you accept it in your heart that you have wronged me and that you owe me an apology, 2 apologies already. one for hurting me, and another for forgetting to say sorry for the longest time.

it's a big deal, yes. because i was taught that when you hurt someone, no matter how badly, you must say :i'm sorry..."

never forgetting but forgotten,


Sep. 29th, 2008


why do we ask why?

how does one fall in love?
how does one know he's got the "one"?
how does one give without expecting anything in return?
how does one live his hopes everyday?
why do people kiss?
why do people hug?
is it a reflex action whn we feel uber delighted?
what brings butterflies in one's stomach?
what triggers hapiness?
what triggers sadness?
what happens after we die?
why do people fake happiness?
what do we get when we fall in love? (just like the song..)
how does a baby in a mother's womb feel?
do you ever wonder if heaven gets over populated?
do you ever worry why you are alone today?
why did you read this?
why did i write this?

i dont know the answers
and i dont want to find out
i just want to feel them...
like a blind man smelling the aroma of freshly baked cookies...
he didn't know what that pleasant smell was but he felt euphoria when it touched his tongue

Sep. 26th, 2008


it explains my being poetic

how i didnt write my journals for the past days rooted from my lack of interesting stories to tell. not that i write only interesting topics but i've got boo, no words to write. i cant describe how i was feeling for the past weeks so i turned to poem writing. they may reflect my thoughts. otherwise, they're just what they were tagged to as random thoughts. i made a lot of poems before but ive lost them all too. anyway, i dont find them worth keeping but they're not worth loosing either.

sweet boy o' drugged

notice my affection
want me like your thirst for wine
i am yours, take me

flush away your inhibitions
come to me sweet boy
and i will show you life

despite our limitations
cosmic forces pave our way
to never ending love and affection

to cease our bodies havoc
as the world turned grey and ashes
we will live through time immemorial

wash your face sweet boy
let me smell your ardor
you're my morphine, i'm your coke

undying love and attention
that i will give you
stars permit, i will die with you

sniff, swallow, fly
kiss, laugh, die
off to the moon sweet boy

Sep. 25th, 2008


the fuck

lay me restless, point blank
pet me casually with your tender mouth
sow me, rip me, water me like rain
i am dry without you
it's like a drought on a rainy day
i get horny by your sight
kiss me and i am in heaven
penetrate me and i am in hell
i am good as your sister's barbie doll
when you won't shoot me, i will be a gun
take on me harder or i will wither
i am a flower on a snowy weather
fertilize me with your cum
im your stranger, screw me

Sep. 23rd, 2008



my right eye was hurting yesterday and i thought of buying an eye drop to ease the pain. i guess i got it from playing too much psp. to my delight, i saw a little bottle of visine sitting in our refrigerator. i used it for the rest of the night. i guess ive consumed about 7 drops of it. then tonight, when i was to put some in my eye while lying in bed, i noticed the expiration print dated OCTOBER 2005! i was still in denial that it was indeed expired but it didnt change anything. aww... 3 yrs in the fridge! damn! i hope nothin goes wrong with both my big eyes! darn prick!

Sep. 17th, 2008



Today is 100 daysaway  from my birthday!!!

Begin the Countdown!!!

Sep. 16th, 2008



when i stop doing, i stop thinking
i feel worse than an idiot
i want things grand
but i make things too miniscule

i get so used up
i get too wind up
i get upset
curse this lonely world

Sep. 15th, 2008



One of my most favorite shows on tv today is Brothers and Sisters. I laugh and cry and feel for them in whatever situation they're into. I dont know why but i fell in love with the Walkers, i just did. That's what I do these days, I await new episodes of my favorite TV shows. I am broke so I just stream them online. Also, I do thesis! lol.. I make my brother's assignment for a small fee so i can buy myself cell phone load, some candies, things that I need to survive my bumming life. Not that I do that now for a living, no no no... I want to remember this point of my life where I am a complete bloke and maybe in another point in time, I'l be able to just laugh it all off. I won't be like this for eternity. I wouldn't wish...

*crossed fingers*

Sep. 9th, 2008


hostile me

I don't know what has gotten into me that I can not keep up with this journal. I feel so restless and thoughtless for days or even weeks than I can not put even a slightest meaningful content here.

Well, today, I just want to write about how unfriendly I am. Yes, I am. When I don't like a person, I just don't and won't like him or her no matter what good he/she has done or will do to me. However, I am hospitable. When you go to my house, I will feed you and entertain you but when I get tired of talking to you, you will notice how I just hear you blankly. I'll hear you out but don't expect me to listen. Other than those, I'd treat you well, just not so nicely.

My parents are coming home later today after three days of vacation in the province. I did most of the housework here: kept the house clean, ensured safety, fed my brother and my dog, washed our clothes. Some neighbors and friends of my mom dropped by to see how things are going  for me, my brother, and my dog. Tita Ludy even gave us food last saturday. Ate Len-len would constantly drop by to look after us and she also helped me with the cleaning today. My hands are so dry now. I truly truly appreciate my mom coz mom tasks aren't as easy as they seem.

Gonna be cooking lunch now.. I already fed my dog and I have not yet eaten. How good is that? :)

My English teacher will spank me for this journal! It's so ugly and poorly constructed!

Sep. 6th, 2008


mom task

My parents had gone off to the province today and they'll not be home until tuesday this week. For the following days, I will be baby-sitting my 17-year old brother and run the house. While I was in college and living so far from school, I never felt really obligated to do house chores, particularly keeping the whole house clean. But now and everytime my mom goes out of town, I am left with her duties. Not that I am complaining, in fact, doing all her work makes me appreciate her more. It's not easy becoming a mother, even more difficult when you are not appreciated for it.

As I am typing this, I am grilling pork for me and my brother's dinner tonight. Grilling pork the traditional way is not as easy as it looks like. And I am burning our dinner turning it to a fiasco! Ciao for now!

Aug. 30th, 2008


(no subject)

"Faith is a positivist version of denial"

Aug. 29th, 2008


Birthday: niece&nephew

Day was tiring went to my niece's birthday party. Met our relatives we havent seen for a long time cause of family feud. lol! Tomorrow, we're going to my nephew's 1st birthday. August, filled with birthdays! I'm too tired to write, think, and comprehend...

Aug. 25th, 2008


break up tips

I learned the day before yesterday that my friend and his girlfriend broke up. The reason? the girl's too needy and clingy and jelous at all times. So she started texting all his guy friends telling them to talk to his now "ex" boyfie, tells them how hurt she is because of the separation. It was my friend's bday celebration (see post prior to this) when they broke up, the girl went to his house late that afternoon to give her tiramisu and some food she cooked for him. Well, going back to the texting whining thing, the funny part is that she texted the same message to who knows how many of his guy friends, all similar, she just changed their names to give it some personal drama... lol

Anyway, I'm writing this to give gals some tips on what to do and what not to do when you were left hanging on by our boytoys. Tips on a break-up!

1. When a guy said it's over, it's really over. Don't ask him back, he'll only go further away.
2. When they say they need some time off, respect that and give him a complete time off, as in stay AWAY. Else, you'll lose him forever. Suffer for a few days or weeks and get festive when he gets back. If he doesn't get back atleast you've been use to a life without him. 
3. Don't whine over to his friends. Remember, they're HIS friends, they're more loyal to him. Cry to your friends, they're more sincere with comforting and giving you advice.
4. Cry but don't show him, don't let him know. 
5. Don't talk to him about your feelings even when he asks. You're no longer together so he's no longr entitled to know how you feel. Of course what else would you feel but HURT! 
6. Guys love challenge. Give him one but don't overdo it.


Aug. 23rd, 2008



Tonight was the joint birthday celebration of my college friends kuya JP and kuya Artie. It was held in Guiguinto, Bulacan, sorta near our home,  around 55 kilometers or so, I'm not sure. Their visitors were our our fraternity brothers, some of kuya Artie's high school buddies and guess what? I'm the only girl in that party. Cowgirl? yeah whatever... The activity at the party was errr playing video games. They've got handful of games played at a huge flat-screened television with a roaring speakers. Though I'm not really a gamer, I somewhat enjoyed watching them as well...

Yeah, I saw my ex there too but I'm completely over him. He was my college boy friend and we have been through a lot together. He fetched me at the terminal (whatchamacalit)  cause it was my first time to visit kuya Artie's new house and I was to surprise him that I was coming. Our relationship is on the okay level. As usual, my guy friends would tease us but I wouldn't show I'm too much affected, years have passed anyway. I was the princess that night, well-entertained and well-teased! lol.. Given that I was the youngest and the only girl there. 

Kuya Richard drove me to the terminal when I left and now I'm home! It feels great having relived the days we had in college. Aww.. nostalgia...

Happy Birthday guys!

JP - Aug. 20
Artie - Aug. 26

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